Thursday, May 22, 2014

The friendship rulebook

So there's this blog post crusing around facebook about how mom's need to stick together and have drama free friendships. But let's face it, just because you're a mom doesn't mean that all of your friends are moms. And those friendships are just as - if not more important to keep drama free.

Those are the friends that we as parents are able to live vicariously through. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my munchkin and wouldn't trade her for the world. But sometimes a woman just needs a break.

Some of the basic principals listed on the mom's keeping drama free apply to these freindships as well. Such as not being upset when one of you flakes out on something. Not getting our panties in a wad because we didn't call or text back. So on and so forth, you get the idea. By the way, if you're lost and have no idea what post I'm talking about, you can find it HERE.

These are my follow up thoughts on mom/non-mom friendships.

1) You won't get upset that I want to hear every.single.detail of all of your parties, vacations, outings, concerts, adventures, etc. because you know that doing those things with kids almost always results in screaming or various other unplesantness.

2) I won't get upset if you get annoyed by my iterregation questions about the events mentioned in #1.

3) You're always my date to go see kid movies with so that I have an adult that catches onto the humor Disney likes to sneak in.

4) You go to see kid movies with me so that it doesn't look strange that a grown woman wants to see Frozen for the third time with no kid in tow.

5) You won't get pissy when I can't go to your shindig because there will be booze and rowdy friends with no filters and I can't find a sitter.

6) I won't get pissy when you don't invite me to your shindigs because I know that you know that I will just say no anyways.

5) When you get tired of hearing about poop and chair throwing and little diva attitudes, you'll simply tell me rather than getting passive agressive.

6) We we go out to dinner you don't question my resturant choices becuase they have sandboxes. This just means we can have an adult conversation.

7) You don't judge me for letting my kid play in that nasty ass sandbox that has probably been peed in more times than I'd like to think about.

8) It is unspoken that if you play with my kid long enough for me to have 5 minutes of peace (or even just to pee without an audience) I will love you forever.

9) The same goes with you telling my kid to stop being a little shithead so that I don't have to.

10) When you need me and I show up with my kid in tow because I couldn't find a sitter on such short notice, you'll help me find movies to keep them entertained while we sort out whatever the issue it and not be upset about it. you'll just be happy I showed up.

11) You won't judge me for shoving my kid in front of the boobtube.

12) When we don't hang out for months because our lives are in completly different places we both know that it isn't because we don't love each other like sisters

13) When we finally do hang out it's like we never skipped a beat - yes, we're just that awesome

14) When you call me and I sound like I have tourettes because I keep yelling at my kid - you don't judge or get pissy. You either wait or offer to call back later.

15) When we go out and I'm tired and yawning at 10 PM, you gladly tell me to suck it up and order me a double vodka and redbull.

16) When I call you in the morning hungover and you laugh at me and call me a lightweight, I know it's in jest - we're it's what we do.

17) When you drunkenly call me at 2 AM I answer (assuming I hear my phone) and assume whatever role you need me to without cussing you out. Not many others get that.

18) When I sleep through my your call and can't help you with whatever crisis you're in, you don't leave me pissy voicemails about how i'm a shit friend. We both know that already. You just know that the whole parent thing is no stroll in the park.

19) I'm a shit friend. I let life get in the way. We both acknowledge and accept this.

20) You're a shit friend. You let life get in the way. We both acknowledge and accept this.

21) When you need me or I need you - we both show up no matter what. Because despite being shit friends and letting life get in the way, we're friends and that's what friends do.

It's not just mom's that need no drama/no bullshit's all friendships that need that. Because seriously, who needs that crap? Sure as hell not me. I just don't have time for it. Kids, no kids, it doesn't matter....just leave the bullshit at the door and go from there. If you can't, I'll gladly show you that door again. And don't worry, I'll make sure it hits you on the ass on the way out.